im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
