well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
