she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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