Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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