Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
