It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize