yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
