My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
