Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
