Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
