thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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