I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
