when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
