The maid of honor just puked.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
My vagina just recognized that song.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
