Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
