tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
