Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
