All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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