i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
