My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
