Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
