I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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