Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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