So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
