Grow some girl-balls and come out already
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
