Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
