I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
