He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
