I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
