i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
