I think I am morally bankrupt
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
