smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
