I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i was born a porn star she said
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
