happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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