Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
