I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
