nutella sex= disaster
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
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