He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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