half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
We're too hungover to prance.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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