Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
