Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
