so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
