The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
