take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
