i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
