buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
