You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize