I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
