Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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