How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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