so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
