Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize