i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
These tits shall not be calmed
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
