five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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