Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize