mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
