I just saw a hot homeless man
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
