So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
