Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
