I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
