So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
