I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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