I skipped work to stalk him.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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