Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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